i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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