The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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