You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
