not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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