She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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