I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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