you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
