Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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