I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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