he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
