OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
