I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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