the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
