CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
