if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
