What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
