I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
