He is an equal opportunity slut.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
