Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
