she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
