I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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