I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
