There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
