some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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