He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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