I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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