You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
