Yo dont text me then not text me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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