Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
