when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
