Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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