so explain again why im purple
no
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
