I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
