Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
