and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
