remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
