you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
