I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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