we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
