just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
