just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
