There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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