The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
