i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize