david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
now i know why i became what i already was.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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