Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
