ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
