Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
