At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
