Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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