The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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