I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
