Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
