Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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