dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize