She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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