I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
