oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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