It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
