we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
