is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
