its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
