Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
