i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
