I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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