I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
well I can't set my house on fire every night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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