I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
