and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
