I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
