she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize