Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
