Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
