i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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