You made me cry and you don't even care
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
