While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have tasted many bathrooms
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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