i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
do nipples grow back?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
