No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
