He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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