What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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