Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
