I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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