You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize