How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
